"If you can be friends with your ex, you were never in love, or still are."

I think this quote is so true. The worst feeling in the world is wanting someone so badly, and having them say they "only want to be friends". It's the equivalent to a slap in the face. It is impossible to love someone and just be there friend. Because then you have to talk to them and hang out with them and look at them... and pretend that you have no feelings for them.. when inside you are dying to profess you're undying love for them.

What is even worse, is breaking up with someone, and then realizing it was a mistake. And once you confess this huge mistake to the person you love, they don't love you anymore... or maybe they realized they never did. It hurts. It is the worst pain I have ever experienced. For an entire month, everytime I thought about him I'd cry.. everytime I talked to him I'd cry.. everytime I talked about him I'd cry. I was miserable. And he was out with other girls, partying, drinking, doing God only knows what... but he was surely not thinking twice about me.

And then you know what happened? I realized that it is his loss. He had someone who loved him more than anyone ever will..and he let it slip away. I feel sorry for him. But for me? No. I am positive I will find someone who loves me for me. Someone who doesn't try to change me.. Someone who respects my feelings and my thoughts.. Someone who loves and cares about me. Someday, I will find him, and I will be able to love him like no other. But until then... I'll always feel sorry for the one who ran away....

Currently Listening Stars: The Best of the Cranberries, 1992-2002 By Cranberries Linger see related

What Goes Around Comes Around..

So my life right now, is definitely the most confusing it has ever been. Honestly, I don't think it could get much worse. Why is it that all guys, "Don't want a girlfriend"? I mean, they all say the exact same thing. It's not fair. Don't make a girl fall for you if you aren't going to be there to catch her, right? Apparently guys don't think about that..

I hate how people are so impatient while waiting for you to make a decision, but then they think they should get all the time in the world to make their important decisions and you shouldn't rush them. I'm not about to waste my time waiting on something that will never happen. I have a life, and I'd love to be able to move on with it. With, or without, you. Preferably with.. But I can handle without. I'm just startingt to get really sick of constantly being told the same thing by every single guy I like. There has to be something wrong with me, that must be it. But what it is, I don't know if I'll ever figure out. All I know, is that I can't handle all this right now. I hate sitting here waiting for someone to decide whether or not they want to be with me. The worst feeling in the world has got to be wanting someone so badly, knowing they can't decide whether they really want you or not. Non-reciprocal feelings are definitely awful.

I also hate lying about how I feel. Hence, why I'm writing this right now. I've been lying to him, and lying to myself, about how I feel. I said I wasn't upset about what happened, but I was, and am. I feel used and worthless and like no one could ever want to be with me. I told myself I wasn't going to cry, and I had to force back tears during the entire conversation with him. I told him I was fine and didn't care, that I wasn't upset. But then right when I hung up the phone, I started crying. And I felt ridiculous. No guy should have this kind of power over me. It makes me angry just thinking about it. I know everyone always says "lifes not fair" but this is getting really old....

Currently Listening Mr. A-Z By Jason Mraz see related

Everything's Changing and I Don't Feel the Same..

             A good friend once asked me, "Do you ever just feel like everyone hates you? Like the whole world is coming down on you and you just don't know what to do?" And my answer was, "Yes, all the time. But you know what? When you've hit rock bottom, things can only get better." At the time I was just telling my friend that make her feel better, but when I think back on what I said, I realize that it's definitely true. Right now, I feel like I've lost everything in my life and I feel like things will never get better. But you know.. They will. I was fine before and I can be fine again.

           Last night I talked to another good friend of mine, and he really put things into perspective for me. I asked him, "What is wrong with me? Everything in my life is going wrong and it has to be all my fault." As I sat there crying to him on the phone, he told me, "It's not you. You'll find someome eventually. But right now, stop thinking so much. Hang out with your friends, and have fun. You'll meet someone when the right time comes along." And to that I said, "What if I never find someone for me? What if I am alone for the rest of my life. How do you know you've met the right person?" And he answered, "You'll just know. Trust me." And of course, I trusted him. He has known me for so long, and he knows me better than, I think, anyone else. I also said to him, "I just want someone to care about me." And you know what he said? He said, "I care about you. I always have." That made my whole entire day worth everything that happened. Even if he does only care about me as a friend, I know he'll always be there for me and he worries about what happens to me.

         I think the best feeling in the world is knowing you have friends, and a family, and feeling like someone cares about you. All everyone wants is to be cared about, to feel like they're worth something to someone. And you know what? I think I just realized that it doesn't matter if I have a boyfriend, or a guy to hang out with on the weekends; a guy to tell me I'm pretty and make me feel special. I don't need that. I have friends and family that make me feel special and pick me up when I'm down. And I'm so glad I finally realized this.

life's full of risks
take them, because you'll
never know what could have
happened if you don't

I like that you ramble when you`re nervous.
I like that I know that you ramble when you`re nervous.
I like that I still make you nervous

people say i have the perfect life
i say they have a great imagination

she was much too pretty and much too depressed.
they saw the beauty & overlooked the mess

She has everything and more,
Yet she still brakes down in tears at night,
I guess there really is.
more than meets the eye...

He doesn't make sense, I don't make sense..
but together, we make sense.

Currently Listening Louder Now By Taking Back Sunday Make Damn Sure see related

&& Maybe It's LOVE but it's like you said-- "Love is like a role that we play"..

Love is like an earthquake ;;
unpredictable, a little scary,
but when the hard part is over,
you realize how truly lucky you are.

I wanna be the girl
who sparkles && shines
in your eyes everytime
you see me.

let's hold hands, and never let go.
as long as we're together,
nothing can break us.

&& she sits alone
crying on her bed
wishing and wondering
what on earth she did
to deserve this pain.

& maybe her laugh is a cry
for help & maybe her smile
is just there to cover up.

you learn alot about people
when you listen to the songs
that mean something to them.

Watching them together
is like a car crash.
You really dont wanna look,
but you just cant stop staring.

once you experience love.
you never want to live without it again.

it`s hard to grow up in a society
where you will never be the
pretty girl.. everyone seems to
have everything you don`t..&
dreams are always one cloud
away from where you are.

love is not a maybe thing
you know when you're in love
( LC *The Hills*)

do you ever sit & think what if?
what if you had never said the first hello,
or what if your paths never crossed?
what if you had just five more minutes.
what if you could turn back time & make it all
stand still. where would you like be?
better? worse? less confusing? more confusing?
happier? or sadder? just what if..

have you vere just been sitting there
minding your own business when you
hear that sad song come on ther radio
& you start to cry & you just can't stop
because at that moment, all you want
to do is tell him how you feel
& just hope he understands.

there's no past tense in loving someone
it's either you do or you never did.

Currently Listening Modern Day Drifter By Dierks Bentley see related

What a day..

Three little words: Get a life.

1.5 days of school left. thank the Lord.

i wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how i feel.

She Smashed The Rearveiw Mirrow
'Because Starting Today ...
|[ S h e ' s . n e v e r . l o o k i n g . b a c k ]|

 Palm trees, ocean breeze.
Standing by the clear blue sea.
Hot air, sunkissed hair.
Endless summer, take me there
Our lips locked, on the sand
You grab my waist, i take your hand
in the sun, just you and me
this is how its meant to be__<3

 Life doesn't hurt until you realise how much things have changed
Who you've lost && how much of it was your fault.

When you have a smile on your face && a twinkle in your eye
its funny how no one knows you wanna break down & cry

but most of all, im scared of walking out of this room
and  n e v e r  feeling the rest of my   whole life, the
way i feel when i'm with you 

Her life is like a story;
layed out for all too see, but no one knows who she is,
because no one is willing to pick her up and read.
They judge her by her cover and leave her on an old table of dust

in my opinion, the worst possible feeling
is wondering how things could have would
have. & should have been

in the end, you are all you have.
and that has to be enough.